I just wrote a private entry. It felt good to get things off of my chest. I needed to do that because I've held in a lot of things latey and I haven't expressed them to anyone. I've had quite a few realizations happen, including my last entry. It feels good to get that off my chest.
I've come to realize that I'm not perfect, but who is. I know I'm a selfish, self-absorbed person. I don't play well with others and I don't take into account other people's feelings. I know that if I want anyone to ever want to be with me, I need to change that selfish part of me. Relationships are about a give and take, not just about one side or the other.
I think I've made huge strides, but I'm not sure that anyone notices. Who is there to even notice in the first place?
I've also realized that I can't control everything. As much as I would like to, I can't. People, events, and even the weather are going to do what they want. I can't get myself into panic attacks when things get rough and I get stressed out. I'll be digging out my own grave if this keeps up.
Why am I waiting on my job?? I've got plenty of leads, Monday I'm going to start following them. No one cares about my future except me, and my life is the most important one now. I guess I'm being a little selfish, but oh well. If I don't then I won't achieve what I want out of life.
I think I need to take a step back from things, and reprioritize what I want. I need to focus on my goals and not the distractions that keep popping up.
The patch has started to have the effect that the old birth control used to. I'm moody and sad and just not happy lately. Maybe it's time to go off of it, or try something else?? I refuse to start taking prozac, just to balance things out, even though it was offered. Who knows, maybe the additional stress has made things wacky.
I want to quit my job tomorrow, come home, pack and leave. It's as simple as that. I'm not happy here and there's no reason for me to continue to stay and pretend like I am.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy packing boxes, I'm calling the recruiters and I'm setting things into motion. I'm tired of whining and talking and everything. I'm tired of being unhappy day in and day out. I'm tired of being here. No offense to California, but I need that change, now.
My mom said today that my apartment is cute and has been a nice home. Well now it's time for it to be home to someone else. 5 years is enough.
I really like the quote thing. Thanks Sue!! Look for the titles to reflect that. Leave me a comment if you know this one.
Yoda: Sleeping under the bedBugger: Sleeping under the chair
Angela: Wondering why my sinuses are acting up.
0 have something naughty to say
Miss These?
- - 2006-07-02
I solemly swear that I am up to no good. - 2006-05-05
What has been going on with me - 2006-04-22
year end survey!!! - 2005-12-31
Update from Sunny CA.... - 2005-12-05
